The thirteenth task was to fill the outlines of the tigers with three of my biggest fears, and to colour them until I couldn’t see the fears anymore.
I think that’s actually a problematic exercise.
Ignoring my fears won’t make them go away. Pretending I can’t see the monster under the bed won’t make the monster go away. If anything, denial makes fears worse and gives them more power over me.
On the other hand, I feel that if I acknowledge my fears, if I understand and accept my fears, my perspective shifts. And the grip of fear loosens. Even if there’s not much I can do about some fears.
Last year I spent months absolutely paralysed with fear. I was so, so scared. Of absolutely everything. I’m still struggling with fears and anxiety this year.
But this exercise made me realise that at some point I got used to many of those fears. Instead of alien, overwhelming monsters they are familiar shadows now.
My fears belong to me. I do not belong to them.
And exercise #14 is simply to take a few deep breaths.
Inhale. Exhale.
Keep going.