The twelfth task of “Start Where You Are – A Journal for Self-Exploration” was “Circle the things you worship most. Then underline the things you’d rather worship.” as the heading for a page full of words written in different colours and styles.
I guess you’re all used to me starting my SWYA posts with ruminations and explanations and interpretations. It’s no different today.
Thing is, I don’t… worship.
Even in a religious context I wouldn’t choose that particular word. Rever, maybe. And outside of a religious context… Nope. Appreciate. Cherish. Enjoy. Value. All of that and more. But worship? No.
The approach of “what is important to me/what should be important to me” also doesn’t seem very constructive to me. For example, if my appearance were very important to me, there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with that. Say, if my worries over my appearance got in the way of enjoying myself? Or if that led me to judge people who obviously don’t place the same value on appearance, then I should be working on my priorities. But it’s still not an “either/or” situation.
*shrugs* I don’t know; the task simply didn’t quite work for me the way it was set up.
In the end I just circled all the things I appreciate and enjoy. And then I sat down today to make my own page of colourful words. I used the ones I’d circled in the book, and then I started adding more words… words I like, things I cherish, activties I appreciate, topics that are important or interesting to me. I went wild!
And really, there’s nothing I’d “rather” appreciate or cherish “instead”. None of the words I wrote down are bad (well, within limits, I guess, seeing as I included coffee and chocolate!). Some things are complex, a few even difficult, but I still wouldn’t want to give them up.
But is there anything that I feel I should appreciate that I don’t, is there anything I think I should like but I don’t?
These questions make me think of Jane Austen and other classics that I feel I should like but unfortunately really, really don’t. And… the thing is? If anything, I believe that I should stop feeling that I should like something when it simply doesn’t work for me.
I need less “should” in my life. Less self-made pressure. I don’t want to feel that life is an endless exam with me forever struggling to exceed expectations – not even my own.
